i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
