isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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