Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
