Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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