Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
