well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
