ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
