I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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