Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
