Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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