I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
