Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
