Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
