oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
