didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Porn is love you can see.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
