he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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