would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
