just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize