why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize
