Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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