Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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