Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
