I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
