I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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