thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
