i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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