i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
