She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize