is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
