Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
