I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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