would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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