Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
