You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
