I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
