Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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