You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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