I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
