Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
