If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize