You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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