So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Congratulations! We have a period
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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