so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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