Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Blood and glitter go together right?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
