I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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