My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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