how can u be prego again
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize