My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
