so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
