So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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