I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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