Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
