i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize