i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I deserve this hangover.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
