that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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