I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
