You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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