strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
