hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
