I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
