Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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