I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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