So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
