don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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