its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
