Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize