are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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