A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
