i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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