I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
