2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
