My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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