yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
