I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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