Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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