just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
