I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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