Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
