you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
