I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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