My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
