what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
