You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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