yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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