feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize