It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
