Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
