So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
