Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize