Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
