Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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