I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize