Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
