3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
