hell yes lets make some ravioli
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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