"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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