I accidentally burped into my bong.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
