I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
