Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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