after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
