Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
