I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
