Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
