He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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