and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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